-lemon custard tarts
-banana pancakes with maple syrup and strawberries on top
i like who i am,
i like the way i think
i like the way i question everything
i like the way i love
i like my sense of humor
i like my determination
i like how i’m so indecisive
i like my patience
i like my hobbies and passions
i like my will
i like my ability to be carefree
i like my serious side
i like my dedication to others
i like my rebellion
i like how i forgive
i like my solitude
i like that i am weak
i like and i’m glad my heart is not of stone
i like my crazy hair
i like my legs
i like that i’m sensitive
i like my values
i like me, i love me and that’s all that matters
Nobody can teach me who I am. You can describe parts of me, but who I am - and what I need - is something I have to find out myself.- Chinua Achebe.
The sky’s been filling with skeletons, exhaling frost on my hair, my lips, my fingers, my toes. I laugh with them, I embrace the fiery ache of panic pulsing through my veins and I try not to swallow in the sadness of the night. I’m tired, I’m so tired.
Desire with its tension and risk of the unknown, undefinable and unexpected tends to dissolve in a need for consolidation, safety, attachment, protection and delimitation. The sky is falling, the wind is calling.
She loved the color red
down to her favorite dress,
her ever-present tube of lipstick,
and the marks she left on his neck
when she parted her cochineal lips
I will find you
Twigs wound in your hair;
As though God had placed them there,
Night turns into day
Moon is slightly fading
You are the one I am searching for
Going back to the place where we waited
Again, found you there and still waiting
The sun is bright and it’s a good morning
……….the difference between you and me is that i’m happy for you. see that’s the thing, i’ll always be happy for you. no matter what you’ve done, what i have, that i treasure most is the ability to forgive. I don’t mask my feelings but i also don’t harbor hatred in my heart for what is the point of living with that. i’m not afraid to forgive those who have hurt me because that is the essence of love. i just don’t hold on to things. so while others may deny you and scowl at the mention of your name, no i will never regret knowing you because you taught me so much about myself and for that, i am eternally grateful.
I want to run and adventure and go places I’ve never been before and take everything in and turn it into something else and fall in love with strangers on public transport and keep pens in my hair and write letters on train tickets and do anything but be stuck in this town thinking about the same people over and over and over and over and over and over and my brain is running wild but my feet are staying still and my heart longs for a romantic infatuation with life and not a romantic infatuation with an idea or a concept but for something I can leap at and let run through my fingers and feel in my hair.
every time i’m about to start a new collage/illustration piece, i get so excited and my fingers really start to tingle and suddenly my whole body feels so so alive and inspired that in those simple moments of planning and drafting the new idea, the world shrinks down to the size of my palm and it’s like i’m sitting there in space, holding it all in my hand and there aren’t many ways to describe this feeling except that life is very very wonderful from this perspective.
After the constant battle of always trying so hard to be this perfect being, I realised recently that i will never be the world’s ideal definition of perfection; I don’t have that perfect nose, lips or eyes; My skin isn’t completely flawless and constantly has crazy breakouts, my eyebags are turning into eye ‘suitcases’; my boobs are average and my body isn’t perfect. I get grumpy and annoyed, I cry all the time..I like bad food and I laugh at inappropriate things. I can be really lazy at times, I eat cereal all day and the amount of cake I consume is dangerous. Sometimes I can be clingy, other times completely distant, then there are days where I am so completely disconnected from reality that I become almost naive and childlike.
But when i think of the qualities i do have; the fact i will always put others before myself, how I’m hilarious as feck, open to everyone, carefree and spontaneous; when i think of all the skills and talents i have, my determination to make a difference, i think about all my goals and because God made me specifically to be as I am, I realise that I am indeed happy and healthy, with a heart full of love, so for that I am eternally grateful.