everyone always raves on and on and on about how wonderful I am and how they love to be around me but at the end of the day no one ever chooses me because deep down I’m never enough for anyone and it’s something I’ve known for so long but never accepted until now and I just don’t think you can even fathom what it feels like to always always always be second to none.
soooooo I just realised today that I am incredibly flirty. Like it is actually just this massive habit of mine. If you are a super hot guy, without even realizing it I will most likely immediately get all cheeky and smirky, and without a doubt flirt with you and you would never suspect anything because it’s so subtle and it honestly doesn’t bother me how long it takes but at the end of it all I would walk away with the satisfaction of knowing you’re still thinking about me as I sashay into the sunset.
I’m really nervous about starting uni again on Monday. Even though I’ve dropped subjects and have more time, the thought of going through all the stress I went through the first two years makes me sick with anxiety. I need to have a gpa of 6.5 if I even want to dream of getting into the Harvard Grad. School of Design one day. I keep doubting all my abilities and I always feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. I am so scared of failure, and it makes me not want to try. They say “if your dreams don’t scare you, they’re not ambitious enough”, well I’m completely terrified right now and my biggest weakness is pressure. I love architecture and want to be an architect but I just hate educational systems so much. Awww man I am so lost and don’t know what to do.
-be excellent at something
-buy those cute new balance sport shoes
-slick black hair
-graduate qut (or say yolo and just leave halfway)
-get on plane
-find swanky red brick apartment
-buy yellow cashmere sweater
I am so thankful for friends who call me up just to remind me to always remain positive and have fun with whatever I’m doing in life. I think pursuing a “creative” life can sometimes get so overwhelming and it’s times like these you need someone to calm your nerves and remind you of the importance of staying true to your art and focus less on the logistics.